By Ruth Cooper-Dickson, No Panic Patron.
In my last blog post, I shared tips employers could put into action to reduce people feeling anxious when attending work socials or networking events. I thought I would follow this up with some tips that you might find useful to adopt if you find yourself feeling anxious before going to a social event with friends, family or with work. I have definitely found myself struggling at larger events after the pandemic, so these strategies have been useful for me.
Many people occasionally worry about social situations, but some of us can feel overly worried, before, during and after them. This can be social anxiety or social phobia, which is a long term and overwhelming fear of social situations. If you feel that your social anxiety is affecting your everyday activities, self-confidence, relationships, work, or school life it is important you speak to someone to get help and support. You can call the No Panic helpline or speak to your GP. Social anxiety is a common problem you shouldn’t have to suffer alone. Your GP will be able to put you at ease and share treatments that might help you deal with the symptoms you experience.
- Take something familiar with you.
I always take crystals, whether you believe they have healing properties or not I take them with me because they are small, comforting to hold and discreet. It’s rare I go anywhere without one on my person. I like how they feel in my pocket and with my ADHD they help to stop me from fidgeting. Find something that you can keep with you which will help you feel more grounded.
- Wear clothing which makes you feel confident and comfortable.
Choose what you’re going to wear to your event a day or two in advance. It should be something that makes you feel confident and is also comfortable. Enclothed cognition is a psychology term which refers to how clothing can have a systematic influence on the wearer’s psychological process. You might find wearing your favourite red jacket makes you bold and confident, even if you don’t necessarily feel it on the inside. Or your favourite band t-shirt is an expression of the music you listen to and your identity, attaching positive memories such as being at a gig with friends.
- Have a back-up plan.
If you do feel panic or overwhelm ensure you know how to get home safely or a phrase you might have as an excuse if you want to leave early. A good plan is to let a friend know or someone you trust that you are heading to an event alone. Ask them to be on standby so if you panic you can text them, and get them to send you three things that are great about yourself for that positive reinforcement.
- Remind yourself of why you are attending the event.
Why are you going to the event? Is it you are keen to hear the speakers, interested in learning something new, are you there supporting a friend…remind yourself of the importance of why you are choosing to show-up! For me this is the one thing that can actually get me to the event in the first place before I can talk myself out of it.
- Plan 2 or 3 topics you can talk about if you panic.
Talking to people is the best approach, which I know sounds weird if you feel anxious. I always have a couple of topics ready to make me feel comfortable, for example a film I watched recently, what I enjoy doing outside of work, or a story about my puppy Maverick. I don’t always use them but it is helpful to know they are there.
My advice would be to approach a small group of two or three people and simply be honest: “I’m so sorry to interrupt, it’s just that I don’t know anyone here and I was wondering if I could join your conversation?” It sounds horrifying but try and remember that people generally are human and that kind people WILL make you feel welcome. If they don’t, they are definitely not worth bothering with and this is on them and not you. I’ve also left events early where people are rude or it has been difficult to connect with individuals, I have learnt not to force those connections and waste my own time and energy.
- Post event chill-out.
Once you have managed the event and are back home, I always try to self-soothe to regulate my nervous system from the feelings of anxiety. If it was a loud event, I like to be quiet and often will take a bath in the dark. I put on my comfy safe clothes (like my pjs) and I might sit on the couch with my puppy or get in bed with a book. I find if I’m overstimulated it can make me really tired. Try to ensure you regulate yourself post event to dissipate all the stress hormones. If it was an event you weren’t particularly wanting to attend but had to go, for example a work situation, then congratulate yourself on getting through it, try not to overthink the event and know next time it will feel a little easier.
I hope you find these tips useful. Know it can and it will get better.
