By Chaima Kenache, Content Team Contributor
For many young people anxiety is the byproduct of wanting to ‘fit in’ socially with others. Whether consciously or unconsciously, many of us have this innate desire to please or seem appealing to others. But why is this? Socially, why do the opinions of others, even strangers, mean so much? The rise of social media platforms has exacerbated feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt within our population. A report by the ‘Pew Research Center’ revealed that 72% of young adults aged 18 to 29 use Instagram, with a significant portion of their time spent comparing themselves to others. Witnessing peer’s post their ‘perfect’ lives whilst garnering success and attention, may magnify our own insecurities and ignite this inferiority-complex where we see the need to compete and adjust our lives for the camera’s approval.
Social media can encourage individuals to hide behind a false version of themselves, to fit in with the ideal, even though for the most time, their ‘role models’ are faking as well, creating an endless cycle of self-doubt and anxiety of meeting the standard. In addition, the curated and glamorised nature of social media often presents an idealised version of reality, fostering unrealistic standards of beauty, success, and popularity. Consequently, individuals may experience heightened anxiety as they strive to measure up to these unattainable ideals, perpetuating a cycle of insecurity and dissatisfaction about themselves and their external image.
School environments can also further reinforce feelings of anxiety and self-consciousness within individuals. An example of this is the teacher asking students to get into non-selected groups or pairs for an activity or project. This often can create a lot of fear and anxiety for those who do not recognise anyone in that specific class or environment. The fear of speaking up and getting rejected in front of those who you do not know very well can channel feelings of embarrassment, irritation and ultimately anxiety. In that brief, fleeting moment after the teacher has asked there class to get into groups, an individual needs to make a choice, either get up and ask to join a group and hope they say yes in order to avoid looking ‘lonely’ when everyone else inevitably finds a group or to stand their quietly hoping that no one has realised you’re working alone. As a student myself, a lot of the time the second option seems like the easier, safer option, yet by doing this, we are encouraging the avoidant behaviour , therefore increasing the likelihood of repetition in the future. This is because, in this scenario the joy of avoiding social rejection can act as a reward, so as a result we continue not asking to join to avoid feeling those negatively associated emotions of rejection and anxiety. (negative reinforcement)
Asking to join someone’s group can seem like the end of the world when internal morale is low, an individual may find it hard to remember that they’re not being attacked nor judged in this situation.
This same sort of fear is seen throughout the school experience, it could be a student not raising their hand in class, despite them knowing the correct answer or really struggling to understand something the teacher is explaining, it could be students behaving in a more disruptive and outlandish way to ‘impress’ and fit in with the ‘popular’ kids, it could be a student feeling insecure about the way they dress or a mark or disability. These are all different, individual scenarios, yet they all centre on one thing: The social approval of others and the fear of being rejected for being different, According to a study published in the ‘Journal of Abnormal Psychology’ researchers found that the fear of social rejection and the desire for social acceptance are significant predictors of anxiety disorders among young adults. The study, which surveyed over 1,000 participants, highlighted the detrimental effects of feeling disconnected or ostracised from social groups, such as not having a group to work with for a school activity/project.
There are ways to avoid feeling the pressure to conform to social norms and ‘fit’ in with the rest. First and most importantly, having a good healthy relationship with yourself elevates you and helps you to put situations into an honest perspective- instead of catastrophising the pressure of reaching out and speaking to those you don’t know, having good self-esteem and confidence within yourself helps you to feel more comfortable talking to other people, since you’re not looking for any sort of social approval and therefore social rejection doesn’t faze you nearly in the same way.
Moreover, seeking out like-minded individuals or communities where we can feel accepted and valued can provide a supportive social network. These individuals can be found in family members, teachers, clubs or in finding a good branch (if we do not already have that) of friends whose morals align with ours, allowing us to be ourselves unapologetically. Engaging in open and honest communication with others and expressing feelings of insecurity or exclusion can also help bridge social divides and foster empathy and understanding. Finally, practising self-compassion and acknowledging that feelings of not fitting in are common and transient can help individuals navigate through moments of uncertainty with greater resilience and perspective.
