Craig Soutar, Content Team Contributor

Whilst I appreciate there will be many of you reading this who feel Anxiety is an ever present in your life, most can relate to the concept of ‘good spells’ even if they are just a day or two long. For some, those ‘good spells’ last weeks, months or even years. Whichever position you find yourself in, there is generally a common worry… ‘what if it comes back’?? Or you may already be in the ‘oh no, it’s back’ phase.

This is such a common reaction, but let’s break down what is really going on. As the feelings that go with anxiety tend to make this feel like a much worse message than it actually is. I am going to break this experience down into 4 areas: 

– What is ‘it’?

– Does this mean I have failed?

– Is it here forever now?

– What do I need to do next?

Firstly, let me explain my own background so you understand that I have experience in this space. I first experienced disruptive anxiety just over 20 years ago. At the time, I remember feeling like this was the end, either madness or death loomed and the concept that my system could run normally again was unimaginable, I felt broken. It was with almost as much joy then when about 4 months later, I found myself pushing on with life and gradually took steps found the anxiety lifted… amazingly to me, I went on to meet my partner, get married, buy a house, get promoted in my career and of course I experienced some of life’s inevitabilities, loss of close family, people growing older. In amongst it all, I’ve experienced another 5 or 6 significant spells of anxiety, only one thing is completely true of each of them… they passed. Even despite knowing this, I hate it when anxiety arises again, so it’s absolutely no surprise to me how often I hear people saying things like ‘oh no, it’s back’ or ‘what if it comes back’or ‘I couldn’t take it happening again’.

What is it?

I love to question others and myself when saying ‘it is back’. It’s the first correction for me,  because IT to me is something we associate with an object or external force. That is not what is happening here and it’s worth reminding yourself of that. For me, it really helps when anxiety arises again to state to myself what is actually going on, i.e. my nervous system has become activated due to some form of stressor or prolonged stress. Whatever that was, what it means is that certain physical and mental reactions will be triggered, and they will continue to until my nervous system calms again. This time may be shorter, longer, easier to handle or more challenging, but for sure I know if I engaging in questioning it and trying to figure it out again, it will go longer and deeper.

Have I failed?

When your nervous system becomes activated again, it is so natural and easy to feel like you’ve done something wrong, you’ve failed in some way. This may sound like ‘I’ve not been following my good practices’ or ‘I’ve let myself get too stressed’ or ‘I should have avoided…’. The number 1 important thing to remember here is you did not set out to make yourself anxious again, and there is nothing to be gained from looking for blame. You may know by now that you cannot stop your reactive thoughts, but you do get a say in how much you engage with and investigate them. So if you spot yourself wondering what you did wrong, how you could have broken yourself again, acknowledge those thoughts and choose to go back to what you were doing, choose to practice some relaxation, take some exercise, write or read… whatever, just know you do not need to find blame in your actions. 

This time it’s back for good

So, you’ve acknowledged the process that is happening and you accept it’s not the bogey man. You also recognise that you didn’t intend for this to happen and it’s not a case of finding fault. You may even have gotten yourself back into practicing some good habits that you know will support your nervous system while it learns to calm again. It’s very likely then that you will start doubting whether you can handle it THIS TIME. I mean, you know you’ve managed to get this far and you may even have been round this loop a few times, but nothing has felt as bad as this time, or maybe this time is one too many and there is just now way back this time – right? STOP… I want to remind you what is going on just now, your nervous system has been activated.. what happens when your nervous system is activated? Your threat response goes hyper vigilant .. so now it’s looking for things which could be a threat to your survival and what would be a greater threat than feeling like this forever and of course the inevitable doubts that follow.. will I go mad .. will my heart stop… will I want to end my life. Can you see how these thoughts start to become obvious threats for your nervous system to go after… but is EVERY thought you have in life correct? Are you that good? Or sometimes, do you get it a bit wrong, over or underestimate, just maybe? If we step back, is anything technically that different … are your symptoms so much different or different to ones you’ve heard about, or is it just more variants of the same, but you FEEL it MUST be more dangerous this time?

I can tell you from experience, having gone through 6 spells of tough anxiety that it’s not a case of I manage it because it must be easier or lighter each time, the thoughts aren’t suddenly, hey this is anxiety how nice.. lots of the same doubts creep in.. what’s different is as it happens each time, little by little you start to learn and realise, somehow if I give myself space, kindness, relax and look after myself, this passes. The great news, each time it happens, all that work, all the knowledge I have from the past, it hasn’t gone, it’s there… and whilst the anxious thoughts are there, little reminders pop up too helping me onwards and through it. 

So what should I do?

The same principals that have always held true remain:

1. You are not broken and your nervous system can calm again.

2. Engage in good life practices just as we promote through the no panic website. Practice your muscle relaxation, practice your breathing, exercise, look after your diet and hydration .. not as urgent cures, but as practices you know over time relax your nervous system more and more.

3. When you spot doubts about what this is or what this will mean for you, choose to keep returning to what you were doing and let those thoughts pass through.

4. Continue with your life.. socially engage, do the things that otherwise bring you joy or satisfaction or peace.. you are every bit as capable of them, it will just not feel as normal for now.

So if you are feeling anxious today for the first time, or for the umpteenth time remember… it is a physiological process, not a nasty big monster… it is not nice, but you CAN come through it, many of all strengths and varieties of anxiety have… it may come back, but that’s ok, you don’t need to stand guard for it, when it comes back you’ll manage and in the meantime, you can experience life. 

Look after yourself everyone and don’t wait till you are better to live, live now and better will come in time 😊