by Amy Moore, Content Team contributor

When you spent seventeen years in education, summer becomes a time of change. It was always that time of year where your classmates would be talking about the new teachers they’d get in September and what subjects they would begin studying in the new term. And this change was change that I could cope with. I knew how the school day worked, I knew that my friends would be with me, and I knew that I would enjoy the new challenges that came with harder modules. 

 However, last summer marked the end of my years in education. I graduated from university and was suddenly met with not knowing what I was going to do. At first, this felt like freedom. I had no essays to hand in and my never-ending pile of required reading was no more. I could actually leave my house and not feel guilty for abandoning the coursework that I had to complete. 

 For a couple of weeks, it felt great. 

 And then I got bored. 

 I have been dealing with anxiety for the last decade of my life, and the thing that very swiftly became clear to me, is that boredom is not good for me. When I am bored, anxiety becomes a hobby. I overthink everything just to give myself something to do. Although I was applying for a handful of jobs a day, I was being met with rejection after rejection, and so anxiety became almost a comfort blanket. Seemingly overnight, the idea of starting something new became less and less appealing to me because I knew where I stood with anxiety. I knew what I felt I was able or unable to do. Starting something new meant that everything would change again, and I did not feel as though I could cope with that. 

 However, I kept applying for jobs (with little luck), just so I could tell myself that I was trying to pull myself out, when in fact, I began to feel relief with every rejection because it meant that I would not have to adjust to another change in my life. 

 And then, eight months after graduation, I got an interview offer. I was immediately struck with a wave of anxiety, and so I put off replying to the email for an entire day. It took a while, but I ended up convincing myself that I could just go to the interview, and even if they offered me the job, I could say no. 

 So I went to the interview, and the people were lovely, and the place was lovely, and I left the interview thinking, if I have to get a job, I really wouldn’t mind working here. They told me it would be a week before I would hear from them, and it was in that week that the overthinking kicked in again. Although I left the interview with a subdued excitement, in the days that followed, any and all excitement turned into anxiety. I, once again, started doubting myself. 

 Four days later, I got a call. I got the job. 

 Most people would probably be excited when they get a new job. But me? I felt sick to my stomach. It felt as though everything was changing again, and I would have to learn this brand new job and meet so many new people and it felt so overwhelming and impossible that I could ever do something like that when it was a struggle to even go to a supermarket without having a panic attack. 

 The morning of my first day, I vomited three times before I left the house because I was so anxious. I cried in the car the entire way to work. But no matter how anxious I was to start something new, I had to force myself to get there and try. The unknown is so terrifying, and you never quite know how these things will go. But I absolutely love my job, and I really can’t imagine myself ever leaving it. 

 I knew that the first couple of weeks would be really tough for me, and they were. I struggled to get there every single day. But as I got into a routine and got to know the people around me, everything seemed to fall into place. Each day it became less daunting, and I am so glad that I pushed myself to start something new, away from the security of an educational setting. I also found that people understood my anxiety; for the first time in a long time, I was able to be reassured by other people’s experiences. It is so easy to get stuck in your own head during times of change that it feels as though no one could ever understand how you’re feeling. But people will try, and they will want to help you, if you should need it. 

 So, I urge anyone who is anxious about starting something new, to just take the dive. It may be a struggle at first, you may feel uncomfortable for a time, but I promise it will all be worth it in the end. Anxiety can be so isolating, and your comfort zone can feel so hard to break out of, but by taking that single step to reach for something new, it becomes so much easier to keep going and to break out of that anxiety bubble.