By Megan Short, Content Team contributor

Your phone keeps vibrating. Messages are flooding through from the group chat. Everyone’s talking about the bar crawl that’s happening tonight. You skim the message previews from your lock screen so they won’t be marked as ‘read’.  Some keep referencing an inside joke. You don’t get it, because you’ve missed the last few outings.  A couple of close friends have texted you directly, trying to coax you to come. You want to join them. You really do. You can almost see yourself, dressed up and laughing along with them at the bar. Maybe tonight’s the night? The phone buzzing on the table snaps you out of it. Someone’s invited a friend of a friend, someone you don’t know. ‘Sorry guys, I can’t make it, *insert excuse about work or illness or the neighbour’s cat dying*’. It doesn’t matter which; you know they see through it. You hurriedly type the message out before chucking your phone under a pillow so you can’t see the responses. You take a breath. Maybe next time.

Sometimes there is a ‘next time’, and sometimes there isn’t. This could be a work do, a night out on fresher’s week, or even a gathering of close friends.  Feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of socialising, yet desperately craving it, is a perplexing sensation—but it is by no means uncommon. In fact, according to NICE (2013), social anxiety disorder is one of the most common anxiety disorders, with lifetime prevalences estimated to be as high as 12%. While it may provide some short-term relief, avoiding social situations perpetuates social anxiety and robs you of positive interactions that could fuel your self-confidence (NHS Inform, 2026). Whether formally diagnosed or experiencing symptoms of social anxiety, here are some things to try that may help you to manage your anxiety:

Stop predicting other people’s thoughts. 

When you’re with others (or imagining what it’ll be like), your anxious thoughts may lead you to assume you know their perceptions of you. The thing is, we can never know what other people are thinking at any moment. Let’s be honest, how often are you analysing a specific person, judging or mocking their every social stumble or faux pas? I’ll hazard a guess that it’s not often—if ever. You’re likely focusing on yourself or thinking about that TV show you’ve been meaning to start, or what you’re having for tea later… and that’s probably what most people are thinking about too. Another way to view it is to recognise that it’s not very fair to assume people are thinking the worst of you, to presume that they must be judgmental and analyse you with harsh eyes. Sure, they might notice you seem a bit shy or anxious, and what? If you noticed the same about somebody else, would you look down on them? Of course not! You wouldn’t assume that they must be a terrible person, and nor would anyone think that of you. So not predicting others’ negative thoughts is actually the kinder thing to do, for you and for them. If people have a problem with you, it’s up to them to voice it, and you have to trust that they will. 

Stop predicting YOU

Along with predicting other people, you might be pre-emptively anxious about yourself or actions you haven’t taken yet. This isn’t Minority Report. We can’t beat ourselves up for things we may never do. Entering a social interaction feels much less daunting if we stop treating it as if embarrassment and discomfort are a foregone conclusion. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy: if you believe you won’t have a good experience, then you probably won’t have one.

Make sure you’re nurturing yourself in other aspects of life

It’s important to take a step back and look at your life as a whole, not just the area that anxiety is affecting. Exercise, getting enough sleep, having a balanced diet, personal hygiene, taking time to grow and enjoy hobbies… these are all crucial things that help you to function to the best of your ability. Imagine your body as a machine that you are piloting. Are you looking after it? Are you giving it the proper maintenance and care it needs to function and complete its tasks? It might sound basic and therefore negligible, but I promise it’s not.  As someone who has historically hated exercise and would love nothing more than to dwell in a darkened room alone playing video games or reading all day, I’m always slightly in a state of disbelief when I come back from a run to find that ‘wow, I actually feel pretty good about myself’ and the feeling carries me through the day, fuelling my other activities and ventures. I’m not saying this is a definitive fix, but periodically evaluating your self-care and identifying where you need to dedicate more time is a great place to start.

Prepare in advance

You can’t predict every eventuality, or believe that everything will go a certain way. But if you’ve got an engagement coming up, you can do a little bit of prep ahead of time to make yourself feel more at ease: 

• Understanding where you’re going, or having a general sense if there are multiple locations involved.
• Having an exit plan. Sometimes knowing how to escape a situation makes it less daunting. 
• Think about who’s involved. Are you meeting friends? Are there likely to be other people you don’t know? If so, are there people you can stick with? Think of some conversation topics ahead of time, so you’re not scrambling for something to say in the moment. If you’re meeting friends, think personal: what’s going on with them (job, family, hobbies etc.), and share what’s going on with you. If you’re conversing with a stranger, you can go for some broad, safe questions, such as their hobbies, musical tastes, interests, work, etc., to see what you may have in common. If you have a differing opinion, you can explore that in a friendly way if you feel comfortable. 

Practice Mindfulness

There are many techniques you can employ if you feel your anxiety taking over. No Panic has a bunch of resources and guides you can check out and add to your toolbox, such as the quick body scan exercise, or their in-depth relaxation technique that breaks down the differences between tension and relaxation in different parts of your body. Journaling is another tool you can use to reduce your anxiety. Specifically, a scheduled ‘Worry Journal’ where you designate time each day to write down your anxieties can be helpful, as formalising your ‘worry time’ can reduce the ever-present nature of anxiety (Simply Psychology Editorial Team, 2026).

Remember: 

• The burden isn’t solely on you to carry the conversation! It’s a two-way street. 
• Silences are normal and not always a sign that things are going badly.
• Preparation is different from rehearsing! If you try to stick to a script, you’ll only feel more anxious when people deviate from it. Topics and talking points are simply launch pads. Fall back on them as needed and let the conversation flow freely.
• You’re not alone. If social anxiety is ruling your life, you can always reach out to No Panic for support.