Megan Pound

I struggled with my mental health throughout my time in secondary school and during sixth form. It became increasingly difficult to revise material and concentrate on my exams because I was battling severe anxiety, depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder. At the start of Year 13 when I was beginning my university application, I made the decision to defer my university place for a year. At the time, I was ashamed and felt like a failure. The reason I deferred was to take a year to work on my mental illnesses and to get further into my recovery. In my mind, I thought this was an embarrassing reason. I knew the questions would start… ‘so what are you going to be doing in your gap year then?’ and ‘are you going travelling?’. I couldn’t admit to people that I was mentally ill. What would they think of me? Depression and anxiety are more accepted in society, but if I told them I was deferring because I had OCD, surely, they’d think I was mad. When the questions did start, I felt so uncomfortable being put on the spot. I answered by saying I was picking up more shifts at work and hoping to visit more places abroad. I felt that answering this question was so tough because I didn’t feel comfortable verbalising all my struggles. I won’t be going abroad and I won’t be working every day of the week. I hadn’t even started my gap year and was already having anxiety over whether my year out would be the productive dream year that everyone imagines it to be for you. 

 My OCD also affects my reading and writing abilities. This is a topic that hasn’t raised much awareness so I am trying my best to educate people. My previous passion for reading is not possible at the moment because of my inability to focus on the page without having to go over each sentence repetitively. Writing is also a challenge. I am only really able to type long passages currently. These are both reasons why I couldn’t start my degree this year. This is why I am taking a year out to work on these things. It makes me look incapable by saying I struggle to read and write, but the intrusive thoughts make it near impossible most of the time. Alongside my challenging struggles with my academics, my mental illnesses have taken their toll on me over the past six years. I am truly exhausted and I just need the time to get stronger. 

Having anxiety disorders does make it hard for me to think about going to university in the first place, so taking the time to navigate through my headspace and emotions was vital in deciding to take a year out. 

I hope reading this has given people in similar situations to me the courage to take a gap year if you need one. Your mental health is far more important than going off to university. You are valid and so deserving of a break from being in full time education! 

Going to university in a years’ time is still a daunting feeling, but I hope that I will be able to take some time for me, focus on the activities I enjoy and find myself again. And RELAX!! My other goals are to become a youth engagement panellist for OCD action, and the biggest ambition I have is to talk at the OCD conference in London in 2024!