Megan Pound
On the outside you see a girl with a huge smile on her face, striving to achieve all of her dreams and looking like she has it all together. If you looked inside her brain this would be a different story…
She is battling a debilitating mental health illness called OCD, which stands for obsessive compulsive disorder. There are 2 parts to this disorder: the obsessions and the compulsions. Obsessions are the repetitive thoughts that are often labelled as intrusive thoughts. Compulsions are what we complete as a result of the intrusive thoughts ruminating in our mind. There are physical compulsions e.g., tapping and checking, as well as mental compulsions, which are invisible because they are battling on inside our brains without anybody noticing. This is why OCD is often an invisible mental health illness.
According to the World Health Organisation, OCD is ranked 5th in the top 10 leading causes of disability for women aged 15 – 44.
I have lived with this disorder for the majority of my life. I don’t remember much of my life before OCD. This makes me feel desperately sad. It has taken so much from me and I’ve missed out on lots in the recent years because of my mental illness.
I have experienced many themes of OCD, including contamination OCD, harm OCD, moral scrupulosity OCD, false memory OCD, magical thinking OCD and symmetry OCD. They are all extremely challenging. At the moment, I am trying to take hold of the OCD bully and tell him who’s boss. I am doing this by engaging with exposure response prevention therapy (ERP) and taking medication. Although I am in the early stages of recovery and I know the path will not be easy, I can confidently say that both medication and therapy have saved my life over the past few months. Before I started taking medication, I was in a really bad place, crying every day and couldn’t see much hope ahead of me. I still do get these moments in my day-to-day life, but I feel slightly more equipped with the tools to not let the thoughts consume me. It does still overwhelm me some days, but I am practicing self-compassion and trying not to beat myself up about it.
Throughout my recovery from OCD, I am making sure I engage in the things I love and am passionate about because I know it definitely helps me a lot.
These things are:
- Walking
- Positive recovery quotes
- My aspiration to qualify as a music therapist
- PERFORMING!!!
- The lovely mental health community on Instagram
- Completing tasks that are manageable for me every day (some days are busy and I get lots done, but others are less pressurised and more chill, which is also totally fine!)
- Connecting with my safe support system
- Dancing and singing
The future is currently looking uncertain, but somebody recently reminded me that there is always going to be uncertainty. A quote that I love to remind myself when I get an intrusive thought is ‘maybe the bad thing will happen, maybe it won’t’. These are strong words and really resonate with how I feel when my OCD is tough. I am going to keep battling my obsessions and compulsions by gradually climbing up my exposure hierarchy ladder to keep facing my fears. I am also going to keep taking my medication because I know it is beneficial for me in my fight against OCD. I am determined to get through this, however long and winding the journey is.
This is why I want to continue to raise awareness and advocate to make sure mine and my fellow OCD warriors voices are heard! If we don’t speak out, then we won’t reduce the stigma behind obsessive compulsive disorder.
